Pierced Darkness

PIERCED DARKNESS “He thrown everything off balance. If he did what he say he did, there’s nothing for you to do but to throw away everything and follow him. If he did’t, then enjoy the minutes you have left the best you can.” From A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND, Flannery O’Connor William Styron the novelist and author of Sophie’s Choice suffered a crippling depression that he thoughtfully chronicles in his memoir Darkness Visible. On the eve of a contemplated suicide attempt he finds himself sitting in his home in the darkness of what seems an interminable night when the music of Brahms pierces the darkness: “this sound which like all music-indeed all pleasure- I had been numbly unresponsive to for many months, pierced my heart like a dagger, and in a flood of swift recollection I thought of all the joys this house had known …All this I realized was more than I could inflict on these memories, and upon those, so close to me with whom those memories were bound. And just as powerfully I realized I could not commit this desecration on myself….” Styron had dared to face the darkness and lived on because he did. The Gospel of John records the story of a depressed Mary Magdalene going to the tomb of Jesus early on the first day of the week, and then John tellingly says, ”While it was still dark…” Mary the dedicated follower had not abandoned him. But putting one foot in front of the other she forced herself to face the darkness. She had witnessed his miracles and heard the cruel words of his enemies. She had seen love lavished upon him when he entered Jerusalem as well as the lashes unleashed on his burdened back. She had stood in the shadow of his cross and heard his final words. And now she came to honor him with a proper burial….”while it was still dark.” As the poet Milton put it , “no light but darkness visible.” Mary in facing the darkness was actually profoundly living into her faith in a way that my friend and truth teller Barbara Brown Taylor speaks to in her latest book Learning to Walk in the Dark. She dares to ask, “When we run from darkness, how much do we really know about what we are running from? If we turn away from darkness on principle, doing everything we can to avoid it….isn’t there a chance we are running from God?” What will happen next? Mary had to be thinking. Or is there a next? And then reaching the tomb she finds it empty. In the darkness , isn’t it enough to face her loss and now to know that His body is absent?! Is it not enough that he suffered the most degrading of deaths, now his grave has been robbed? She had heard of others who had claimed to be messiah. They too were no more. Like the stone cold memorials of the Roman gods, his tomb was silent and empty. She turns and runs in the darkness to the disciples so they might share in her sadness. Running to the tomb as the light gradually illuminates the scene , John and Peter see what Mary had been unable to see in the darkness. And to her surprise they rejoice. Mary still weeping finally through the blurred vision of her tears and the light of the new day sees Jesus’ garments and two angels sitting where he had been laid in the darkness. That darkness had been pierced by God working even when Mary could not see and could not know. God had thrown death off balance in the shadows. She turns with the angels’ words “He is not here He is risen” lifting her feet from ground only to meet Jesus face to face. The darkness in Mary’s heart has been pierced and her life transformed as Jesus appoints her to preach the good news to his followers: Death is no more… don’t be afraid of the dark! Easter you see means throwing it all away….all our fears….and following him, even in the darkness.